The divorce of sex and love at Yale

This from a Yale senior

When asked to investigate issues of sexual culture at Yale, discussion members consistently agreed on one particular problem of campus life: Yalies don’t know how to date. We don’t know how to ask someone out during the day, while sober. We don’t know how to treat someone after a sexual encounter. We don’t know how to balance a hyperactive work life with a serious relationship and friends. Judging from some stories, a substantial portion of the population may not even know enough about basic anatomy to give any kind of pleasure that isn’t pure luck. We’re sure there are some dating-savvy kids out there, we just haven’t met you yet.

No wonder some people get so desperate. Hook-up culture assumes that sloppy, drunken sex every other Saturday night should satiate collegiate hormones for four years.

I wonder how the relational habits students are forming today – in a culture dominated by random hook-ups – will affect their ability to maintain healthy relationships later in life. The divorce of sex and love, not to mention sex and marriage, means that most sexuality is experienced through a haze of inebriation and isolation. It’s directed toward self. The writer hints at this problem, but only in physiological terms. The problem isn’t a lack of education, as she supposes. It’s the lack of love.

Years from now, when these students are married, will they know how to make love to – you know – someone they actually love? Or will their sexuality still be directed toward self, seeking fulfillment through one extra-marital hook-up after another? That’s what I fear will be the case for far too many.


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